Description:Follow the epic literatary prowess of Endicott 'Orchitis' Orrick in his letters to those he cares deeply about, and their delightful responses.
Dear Sergeant Gaston LeBeau,
Congratulations assfart. I am writing you today because I have won, and you are left to rot in your miserable office with your miserable duties training fresh deaders. Good luck getting any promotions or for that matt...
Dear Doc,
Heya Malarak! Thanks for the medicine, but lately the pain’s been gettin’ less frequent. I still think yer cookies are top notch though. Its just the wakin’ up afterwards an not knowin’ where ya been part that&rs...
The note is very messy, hastily scrawled and covered in ink splotches. Two lines are scratched out and unreadable, but the final line returns to Verner's usual spidery, flowing script.
Dear Endicott,
It pains me to know that you suffered on ...
Endicott,
I would be most pleased to assist you in the mysterious realms of love, and am always happy to discuss science and experiments.
Unless you have made my dearest auntie angry. That means you're just going to die.
Love,
...
(Written in Orcish)
Miss Lellenthyr,
Heya! I need ta talk to ya soon. You are the gal that fixes love problems an I gots a problem that may or may not involve love. Can you meet me sometime this week? I want ta get your opinion on an experiment ...
(Written in Gutterspeak)
Dear Apothecary Verner Fromm,
Greetings Verner. I am currently unaware if you are dead or alive, so I am forwarding this letter to your last known location in Venomspite. I am writing to inform you of my status as inebri...
(Written in Orcish)
Babe-
I gots my drink on. Don’t wait up, cause I don’t even know where yer house is. I’m gonna probably throw up a lot if I get up an move. Sorry I got lost tryin ta find yer house. Sorry I’m still her...
Dear Ciska,
Merry Winter's Veil, my dear! Do you enjoy this holiday? Granted, it is likely more enjoyable for the Living with families and such, but we should take advantage of any excuse to bring a little more cheer to our people, no...
Dear Lucky,
Heya boss lady! Enclosed are the books an accounts from last night. I stayed up all night goin over the numbers. Please excuse the spelling. I ain’t no good at the words. I took a cut of the profits and split it three ways for C...
Dear Ciska,
How ya doin, dollface? Ya did great last night an we couldn’t have asked for a better barmaid than you. All the folks was commentin on how pretty you were an how professional.
I got the numbers all done last night an we...
Dear Verner,
Hey man! Thanks to you an Ciska, our profits went through the roof last night! You are certainly one charmin dude, as I know several folk commented to me about wantin’ to get to know ya better. I tried to keep the skanks away, ...
Dear Trebaruna,
Thank you for the wonderful dinner the other night. I totally dig you, and am willing to work with your head and serious family issues if you are interested in me still.
If you are interested, please circle an answer an s...
[The letter is tied with twine to a small canister of ointment sealed with wax and stamped with the logo of a goblin trading company.]
Dear Trebaruna,
Thank you again for delivering me from my nervous episode. Had it not been for y...
I'm not quite sure what I wish to say, in small part because I'm fairly certain my mind is irreparably damaged. I think, however, I've at least regained my ability to hold a quill. Sort of.
I do hope you will forgive this handwriting....
Endicott,
Watching you blunder through your new Forsaken romantic life is kind of like watching a confused boar with a broom tied to its ass try to maneouver through a china shop.
I appreciate your letter and I'm glad you're trying...
*the letter smells of ash, and is is stained with charcoal*
Endicott,
Do you hear what the storms say? They speak in a crepuscule, whirling language.
Did you not know? Can you not hear? Love is given to us from the gods of...
Dear Vern,
I want to thank you again for all the help you have given me. I didn’t drink nothing at all today and am feeling sort of good despite the throbbing pain. I can’t tell where the hangover pain starts and the phantom death pai...
Dear Malarak,
We should formally apologize to Namida together. Let me know when and I’ll be there. I may go it alone, but I would feel better if you were there too.
Your friend,
Endi
Dear Lellenthyr Blooddrake,
Many apologies for writing to ya again, as I know you don’t never like hearin’ from me. I assure you I ain’t gonna profess my love for you, nor am I gonna get angry at you neither, as you don’t ...
Dear Lucky,
I want to apologize to ya for my actions this weekend. Something that should never have happened ended up happening, and I am now trying to figure out how to make it all right. In order to do so and to clear up things for you a little...
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