I just got back from me trip to Booty Bay. Considerin' what that place has taken from me recently, I reckon it was aboot time I got somethin' back. Me ship, Grinnin Moon II got destroyed nae that long ago in a rather embarrasin' way. Fer ages I spent searchin' fer a new ship an' just foond one an' got it docked in Booty Bay a coople of days before that giant wave decided ta come an' poop all over the place. Damn it. All I was left with were a crew half the size there had been an' one keg of rum an' sum very moist gunpowder. I had nae even time ta name the ship! Splinters an' timbers is all there was left.
Noo, the meetin' last night with the ambassador had given me the location of a certain ship along with the name of it's captain who had lost his rights ta the said ship long ago. Nobody just woold've felt inclined ta separate the two, so it was up ta me ta make it happen. An' ye knoo me, I'm a woman of action me so I got to it as soon as I sobered up. Well, a bit. Ye ken, dwarves are rarely sober as it greatly hinders their ability ta function.
So, I headed over ta Booty Bay an' ta the location I had been given. I foond the ship easy enoogh, docked nae too far away from the Booty Bay's port. It was a real beauty, I coold see that, thoogh I admit it coold do with sum work to tidy it up an' bring oot the potential. It had space fer cannons an' I coold see just by lookin' at it that it was spacioos on the inside as well. Me hands were practically itchin' as I coold imagine meself commandin' that beauty in the South Seas... Mmm... Noo, it was just a matter of separatin' Capt'n Keelhaul from that beauty of a ship.
I moved toward the ship as casually as possible early Sunday mornin'. There were only three men on on the dock, all goblins. They were givin' me pretty suspicioos looks as I uttered me first words of goblin. I have picked up sum languages over the years due to bus'ness purposes. Anyway... I ended up gettin' escorted ta the captain's cabin by the three, rather heavily-armed goblins givin' me the evil eye. I must've got one "yip" wrong. Damn it. Luckily, the captain understood common, so I coold make me point. This is pretty much hoo oor negotiations went:
Me: "Captain Keelhaul, me name's Maggie Grimshade. Daughter of "Beardy" Grimshade. If ye knoo me name, ye might wanna consider me up an' comin' words very carefully."
Me: "I'm here ta... reposses yer ship. A contract has been made an' the ship has been promised fer me purposes by higher a-u-t-h-o-r-i-t-i-e-s. Ye have overstayed yer welcome here, in Booty Bay, at least as far as this ship is concerned."
Keelhaul: "Ain't giving ya anything, missy!"
Me: "Woold ye be kind ta reconsider, good Capt'n?"
Me: "I was hopin' we coold do this the easy way. But we can do it another way too, seein' as yer men were too daft ta disarm me before lettin' me in."
*Captain Keelhaul showed her left hand middle finger in an offensive manner*
*Moments later, captain Keelhaul noticed that he was missing said finger.*
Me: "I wonder hoo long this keeps green afterwards?"
Keelhaul: *yelping, crying, cursing*
*Goblin thugs rushing over*
*Maggie spins around, a poisoned dagger in each hand*
Me: "YE WANNA LOSE SOME OTHER GREEN, DANGLY BODY PARTS, LADS?!"
*Goblin thugs stop, automatically reaching down to cover their intimate areas with their hands*
Me: "Didnae think so."
*Margharet glances at the yelping captain*
Me: "Noo, hoo aboot it, capt'n? Ye walk oot, I walk in, everyone's happy, yeah?"
*Captain Keelhaul continues to yelp*
*Margharet kicks him out of the door*
*Captain begins a weak, bleeding protest*
Me: "SHIFT IT."
*Margharet makes the daggers spin around in her hands*
*Goblins back away cussing, some still holding onto their body parts*
*Margharet looks smug as she watches the goblins run out*
Me: "Oddly easy, really."
*Margharet glances around in her new captain's quaters, frowning slightly at the sheer amount of junk covering every given surface. She sighs, puts her daggers away and begins to clean up...*