Velexie Kohler
It is never easy, looking back and wondering what if. Asking yourself what could have happened and where you would be...if only you made a different choice. That is what I heard at the Sunday Service. Reflections on the past. The what-ifs. My mind still swims with thoughts of what-ifs sometimes.
I heard that Ciska spoke, but sadly I missed that. I heard a few more words spoken about the past as I sat at my Uncle and Mentor's side, and I watched his face under his hood and I followed his gaze. Dead that I am, I still know that the heart can break, ache and shatter. I still don't know what caused the rift and break of their relationship, but then I haven't really asked.
It was my Uncle that gave me faith that even we Forsaken can still find happiness. It was his words that gave me hope that we could still have love and be loved...so seeing him like this...I wish that I could give him my heart just so that he could be happy again.
He left the Service the moment it was over, pushing back Claire and I followed fast after him, worried and hoping to speak to him. Being in Northrend, I went to where I thought I would find him. Venomspite. Insein and Claire showed just as soon as my feet landed. He was going to burn Shelldon to ash. The creature he said that would be my friend, the creation he and Claire were creating out of their love.
I did the only thing I could think of to save him...I used my body to shield Shelldon. I could only hope that Uncle's hate was not so intense that he would set me aflame with the creature. Ms Insein joined me there with Shelldon, and Uncle went after Claire. The began to fight. It was Insein's idea to take Shelldon and so I helped her carry Shelldon through the portal. When asked where we should take and hide Shelldon, I thought of the one place I would guess Uncle would ever look...the home that Naxevo had bought for us.
The barn. He will be safe there. Hidden and locked away. Safe. Insein and I spoke a bit more and she trusted me with a secret to Claire's possible behavior. To say it was shocking would be an understatement. But at the moment, it didn't matter. What mattered then was getting back to the fighting priests to be sure that no one ended up destroying the other.
I used my body again to stand between my Uncle and his target. I am sure that he is furious with me for it. I cannot blame him really, I stood against him and his wishes, but I did what I thought was right. I hope he will forgive me for it. Insein spoke to Uncle, and I only assume she told him the same thing that she shared with me. Whatever it was, it worked. The fighting stopped and Uncle left, and soon I left as well, leaving Insein with Claire.
I went back home to Silverpine to gather my thoughts before I again left to make my way to Mulgore. The clan was meeting and I made sure that I was there.
I learned that my mother has another 'sister' and so...I gained another Aunt. It turns out that Ceth is actually, truly related to Auntie Treb....but you would never guess from how she acted. Much sweeter, much kinder. I like her a lot, even if she seemed a bit spooked by Naxevo.
....Naxevo. I try to remain friends with him....try to put everything ill that happened with us in the past behind us. We are clanmates and the last thing I want is someone looking at me the way that Uncle looked at Claire.
Misunderstandings...lack of communication. It is possible that everything was a mistake made by two people who did not speak enough. I felt my stomach knot while I forced the urge to cry away. I tried so hard to maintain a false smile even when Rusok walked up, stating that his wished to speak with me. As simple as the orc seems, he could tell I was upset and hurting.
I walked away from Naxevo. I had to. There was nothing left I could say that was going to make it clear that I wanted to be his friend, so I walked back to Rusok who was sitting with Aunt Ceth. I stood quietly and watched them as they spoke then managed a little smile when I saw Ceth take a cookie from the orc and nibble at it.
I'm certain she only ate it to be polite. We three sat and spoke. Sitting with Rusok and my new Aunt, my mood was lifted. The orc suggested that when I am feeling down that I should yell to the sky, let out the anger and bad feelings....and honestly, it helped a lot.
I wonder now, how Ceth feels about those cookies after she saw Rusok pull a turtle from the bottom of the bag. I felt the desire to laugh seeing Rusok lick the turtle's shell to rid the poor creature of the cookie crumbs, but poor Ceth recoiled. After a short visit from a troll seeking the clan, Ceth took her leave, and Rusok and I were alone.
The moment Ceth was out of sight, the large orc sat himself in front of me and asked why I was faking a smile earlier. It was hard to think about, let alone try to explain to Rusok, but I assured him that he did in fact make me feel better. And the truth is, he did and does. He pulled me into a firm hug and proclaimed that I was his best friend. No one ever made such a claim before, so I was honored. I told him he was my best friend as well, and I believe that he is. It is easy to speak to him and I can only hope that he can be fixed to be the orc I know he used to be.
I wonder if people looked at me the same way when I first showed up. I wonder if Rusok feels the same frustration that I do when people look down at him for being 'simple'. I am sure that if given the chance, Rusok could recover from whatever happened to him. He understands more than people think he does. He knows that he wants to find a mate and he knows that he can fight to defend what he cares about. That there is proof enough to me that he is capable and should be given a chance.
Tonight I will be baking cookies. Something I have not done in a very long time and I have to be sure that Kennius does not eat them. These are for my friend Rusok.
