Jeben Stormcrow
*This is a page from Jeben's journal.*
To whom it may concern,
My eternal pursuit for happiness has had some downs since I last wrote. Cadatara, the woman whom I loved dearly and with all my heart, has chosen other things over me. Perhaps it was wrong of me to put her in the situation to make that choice, but she made it. She showed her loyalty, and whom it was to. When confronted about it, well....it did not go well. Out of respect and love for the woman, I will not put to paper what happened, but know, there were things that were said and done that cannot be gotten over.
Again, my heart fell to grief and depression. Again, the drink called me. My magic becoming weaker with every sip. I had begun to rely on both much more these last few years, the drink and my magic. My father would be ashamed of mine actions.
Then it all changed.
I was in the office, gathering research materials to prepare for my next lecture to the Black Sun when my oldest and dearest friend, Riona, came to visit me. I had had my conflicts with her as of late, feeling rejected and discarded by her, she, upset with my reactions to news of her engagmetn to a man whom I percieved as unstable and insane. She got over that to come and help me grieve.
She asked me to participate in a ritual, where I would channel my feelings into her, using her empathic ability, and we would find a solution to my problems, at least the ones in my heart. We did this, but there was darkness there. Taint. She used her magic to filter it and place the taint in a crystal, the taint causing the crystal to appear ebon in color.
She asked me many questions, and eventually we found the cause of said corruption, it was an addiction to the thing that made me useful to the world. My ability to cast arcane magic. My reliance on it and my obsessive research into various arcane subjects had caused me to become addicted to the nether energies required to do so, and with my body absorbing so much of that energy, it began to corrupt my mind. It caused my perceptions to be warped, as well as my emotions, and if anyone who is reading this has been affected by said perceptions or emotions, I sincerly apologize.
I must seek help from Ephasia every week for the forseeable future to cleanse myself and the gem. I must carry the gem as it is my filter, and when it gets full, it must be cleansed. I will likely have to carry it all of my days.
But it is a good thing she found it, for even now, my heart is light, and my spirits are high. I went around and apologized to those I hurt because of it. Rohlan, Serill, and Arcamedis were the first I apoogized to. Ephasia of course, was literally the first. Since then I have been in good spirits....and it constantly gets better.
I was having a small meal with a new friend, when an old one came by. It was Ado. I had not seen her in months. She came to me for help. She had lost the love of her life and needed help getting through it. I knew exactly how she felt. We talked, took trips, and even visited the Naaru to give her peace of mind. It was there when she confessed that she desired me as a partner. I will admit I had always been drawn to her, but thinking her a lesbian, as she had confessed such to me, I didnt give my attraction much thought. Apparently, she has desired me for a while, but was in a committed relationship and could not express such feelings ot me.
I did not want to take advantage of her, but there we were, in the calming presence of the Naaru, when it hit me. This was right. We talked, and we became lovers. She excites me on every level. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. She is as tough as nails, but with a gentle touch. She has a fiery soul, but knows when to be soft and supportive. She is wild and free, and I would never wish to change that.
Now I wake next to her and I dont know how I could be happier. Already, we are in love. Already, we are ready to spend out lives together. Already, I cannot fathom what I would do if I lost her.
Some would say that we are moving too fast, but I say we set our own pace, walk to the beat of our own drum. I love her and she loves me. Together, these two orphans, in a sea of despair and hurt, found each other and we will bring each other to the road to happiness.
Where does the road lead? Fuck if I know. I dont give a damn where it goes. I will follow her to hell if that is what it takes to remain this happy. Light help me, I think this may be the one.
