Insein L'Mort
Shame has warned me away. Verner says it would not be wise. I am afraid, and I know it is partly that if I give in to Valinthras’ desires, I will have given up on him. Even Valin is reluctant, nervous about his feelings towards me. He is losing himself, and has been reaching out to so many. Claudia, Verner, and now myself. He hears his own Shadow, and its foul whisperings tempt him into mindless destruction.
I spoke to him of relationships, resiliency and the rebounding of the heart. My heart has been ice, locked down by the burden of loss and hopelessness. I had thought it frozen, ignored so that I could focus upon my tasks of aiding my people. One of my people has come to me for help, time and again. That same person has given everything of himself for the will of the Dark Lady, and for the whole of the Forsaken. All he wishes in return is to remember love, and to care for another. It is his reminder of what we once were, and the tie we should keep with the living.
How could I not kiss him? How could I not let him know I cared for him, that he was worthy in my eyes? Valinthras holds so much of himself hidden from the rest of our world. I know he does not love me, but he needs something…some hope of remembering humanity and what true compassion is. He trusts me, and I trust him. If he desires it to manifest as a kiss, then so be it. There is no shame in such expression.
His simple pointed question, ‘Are we dating now?’ told me that he is certainly in need. I did not let him see my face when I answered positively to the question. I want no one to see my heart, as my hope dies on the vine like a spoiled fruit. My love is lost, and my friend and Oath brother is in need. ‘Yes, Valin, we are dating.’ Keep it simple. It is necessary.
He left, and I found myself wandering the lake in frustration. He had gotten his revenge upon me, tainting my elemental with one of his toxic noxious plague vials. The poor creature will take weeks to filter out the taint, so I forced it into the lake to try and disperse the liquid more naturally. Weeks of a toxic green elemental means that I will need to do more chores by hand. Of course, making him date Cethlenn was perhaps worth this torment.
Even thinking of her, like the proverbial fel tainted entity she resembled, caused her to appear. Perhaps it was fate, perhaps not. Either way Ceth appeared to me at the lake. From this encounter, I was able to obtain more insight into her world. She is a curious creature, and different from when I met her long ago, swinging her legs and grinning at our Chieftain, an unusual axe strapped to her back and armour on her body. Now she wears the chitinous cast-offs of the Qiraiji as robes and a testament to her forbidden knowledge.
I like her, and yet I fear her at the same time. She spoke of parting ways, and being Oathbroken, but I did not pry for too many details for fear of discomforting the nervous creature. She is ill at home around anyone, and her societal gracelessness crept into every gesture and word. She will take work, and a friendly hand to bring back to the fold. She is Forsaken, and should be treated with the respect that all of our kind deserve for having made it this far.
The knowledge she brought me of Valinthras’ inquiries, I swore I would not be angered by. I am not, but I need to speak with him again, to understand his needs. It is almost time to meet with the Clan. I love the days I can spend time among them, and listen to their problems and concerns. I am still fascinated by the living and their ways. I hope Valin comes with me.
